Divorce and Children

Divorce and children can break your heart just that little bit more. Separation and divorce for parents can be really difficult and sometimes, it’s even harder for children. Many children don’t want their parents to divorce. They don’t want the multiple changes it brings. And they can be confused by the transition.

At worst, they may even take some blame for the situation. A situation that’s completely out of their control. We would never intentionally upset or burden our children. However, even with our advanced cognitive abilities and unconditional love, we’re all imperfect and we all make mistakes.

We probably didn’t fantasise our future would include divorce and children. But here we are.

Being a parent comes with an abundance of responsibilities and challenges. And who knew that being a parent automatically makes you a role model? I missed that sentence in the pregnancy book!

Nobody’s perfect and life sometimes doesn’t work out the way we’d hoped. And it can be hard. But we do our best. As a parent we know what unconditional love is and we know what love at first sight is. We experienced both the first moment we met our precious child.

And that makes us extremely lucky. 

I remember reading a question a few years ago that really stuck with me. It was something like “What do you hope your children will say about how they grew up and what they learned from you?”

We all grow up. We all have childhood memories. What are your children going to say about you?

Now more than ever is your time to shine.

3 “best parent ever” suggestions are;

1. Own Your Mistakes

Everyone has made them and everyone will make more. Period. It’s only a problem if we repeatedly make the same mistakes and continue to hurt people. If you feel like you’re always making mistakes, seek professional help. Get some support, perspective and tools.

Be vulnerable and honest with yourself. If you’ve accidentally messed up by doing or saying something your offspring doesn’t need to see or hear, take responsibility quickly. Own all of it. Apologise for your mistake and do your very best not to repeat it.

And don’t beat yourself up. Role modelling how to handle imperfection is a good thing.

2. Always Love Your Children More than You Dislike Your Ex.

Yes, there may be a lot of reasons you couldn’t stay in your relationship. After separation, your ex may regularly annoy the life of out you. There are obviously reasons you have separated. Possibly many. Creating distance doesn’t automatically makes things easier.

But remember this.

Without your ex, you wouldn’t have the precious gift of offspring. The life-changing experience of being a parent. Next time your insides are filled with frustration, take a deep breath and be grateful. Be grateful to your ex for your child/ren’s existence. And repeat as many times as required.

They say you can’t be angry and grateful at the same time. Seriously. Give it a go.

Speak kindly about your ex to your children. Always.

3. Schedule Quality Time

Quality is better than quantity.

And thank goodness, because life is choatic and who has an abundance of spare time?

Make regular time that suits both you and your child/ren when you can put your phone out of sight. And on silent. Find an activity you can enjoy together. Or at least, find an activity that they love. It doesn’t have to go for hours and doesn’t need to cost money. 

Be fully present and really listen to everything they want to share with you. Ask questions and learn more about them. Get them to teach you something. Share things you are both grateful for. Strengthen your connection and make beautiful memories.

They grow up so quickly. It feels like yesterday they were babies. Now they have opinions.

Life goes by too quickly with all the busyness and competing demands. Schedule quality time. Often.

So tell me, what are your favourite “best parent ever” tips?

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